Ep. 116: What Marriage to a Boaz is Really Like

In this episode, Michelle shares the truth married women know but do not always say out loud.

What is marriage to a Boaz really like?

It is beautiful.

It is tender.

It is chosen.

It is sexy glances in the kitchen, grocery-store whispers, and being seen as beautiful when real life changes your body.

But it is not easy.

And that is exactly why the man’s character matters.

If you desire marriage, children, family, intimacy, legacy, partnership, and a man of God beside you, send an email to michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com with the word BRIDE, and Michelle will send you the details for Kingdom Bride Unlocked.

Transcript

Love, I'm gonna tell you something that married women know but never talk about. What marriage to a Boaz is really like

Marriage to a Boaz is beautiful. It is a man who loves you as Christ loved the church, not with selfish appetite, but with sacrificial covering. It's a man who nourishes you and cherishes you, a man who sees you, your softness, as glory and not as weakness. It's a marriage where your gentle and quiet spirit is not dismissed, where your faith is honored, where your beauty is recognized as precious before God.

And it is the Song of Solomon delight in every area beloved, chosen, desired, kept, known in tenderness, and [00:01:00] celebrated. Marriage to a Boaz is the sweetness of being able to say, "My beloved is mine, and I am his."

From personal experience, I can tell you that it's laughter and sexy glances in the kitchen and that little spark in the middle of an ordinary day. A trip to the grocery store where he whispers something in your ear while you're buying bananas and toilet paper and Paw Patrol yogurt for the toddlers.

And that little whisper sends a tingle through you and you're thinking, "I'm so glad I chose him." Because it's being seen as the most beautiful woman when your body changes. Pregnancy, weight, rosacea, gray hair, exhaustion, and hormones.

Marriage to a Boaz is knowing his [00:02:00] love is not so shallow that it would disappear when real life arrives

And then real life does arrive, and you realize that being married to a Boaz is still not easy. That is the surprising reality. Marriage to a Boaz is still marriage. It is still two imperfect people trying to become one. It is still sex and bills and children and aging parents and careers and laundry and grocery stores and family systems and calendars and exhaustion and repair.

Marriage to a Boaz is still hard because life is still hard, and that is why you must [00:03:00] marry a Boaz. Because marriage to a Boaz is covenant strength for a hard life. And let's be honest, you've worked too hard for the life you've built to hand your heart, your body, your future, your children, your peace, or your legacy to a man who could destroy it.

The wrong man does not just disappoint you. He can rip your heart out. He can drain your bank account. He can make your home feel unsafe. He can make you second-guess your own mind

He can make marriage feel a million times worse than singleness. That is why you must marry a Boaz. Not because he's perfect, not because he takes away the hard things in life, but because he [00:04:00] is safe, because he is faithful, because his love does not collapse the moment life gets inconvenient There is one thing I wanna say right now about finding and marrying a Boaz.

There is no perfect Boaz husband sitting on a shelf waiting to be discovered There is no man who arrives already knowing exactly how to love you. Because how could he? He's never been married to you before. Healthy marriages are built by two people who are willing to learn each other, to influence each other.

You learn what creates connection, what creates intimacy. You learn how the other person receives love, how the other person gives love, how to show [00:05:00] him what you need, what you long for. And then life changes. Different seasons, different pressures, different versions of yourself. But when you're married to a Boaz, in every season, you both adapt.

That is why I tell women not to look for the romantic Casanova. Look for the man who wants to learn you, for the man who is humble to grow with you. Too many women discard good men while searching for something that does not exist. Choose the man who understands Ephesians five love. Loving as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Do not prioritize a random checklist over biblical character

[00:06:00] Let's talk about sex because some of you are saving sex for marriage. Some of you have honored God in that area and are continuing to make decisions that rewrite the past and honor God in that area now. And I want you to hear me clearly. Honoring God in this area of chastity before marriage will bless you. You can and will enjoy intimacy and sex in marriage.

But sex is not always automatically effortless for anyone. When two people have honored God and waited, when your body changes over time, when you go through different things that you didn't expect, there's sometimes learning curves or changes or adjustments. There can be awkwardness, tenderness, fear, pressure, emotions you did not expect.

That's not failure. That's an [00:07:00] opportunity. That's two people growing inside covenant, learning to enjoy the blessings of marriage, and God honors that. That is why I coach my clients on this. I do not want you to enter marriage with a fantasy that sex is instantly perfect or that it won't work out because you didn't prep ahead of time.

You will always have to communicate, learn, soften, practice, heal, grow, change, adapt. That's normal for everyone. marriage to a Boaz is marrying someone who loves you enough to learn, who is patient and cares about your joy, who is not gonna use your body selfishly.

He's going to cherish you. That is a Boaz, and that's why you can honor God here. You're not looking for perfection. You're looking for character [00:08:00] and covering and kindness and submission to God

If marriage to a Boaz is covenant strength for life, then dating cannot be reduced to shallow assessments. It cannot just be, did he say everything perfectly? Did he text how I wanted? Was he romantic enough? Did he feel like the fantasy? We don't say it to ourselves in those words, but that's what we really mean.

Love, stop complaining. I mean that gently, but I mean it. Because complaint trains your eyes to miss what's real. Fault finding masquerades as discernment criticism has us calling an amazing man boring and leaving before we realize how good we have it with someone. On the other hand, [00:09:00] not everyone you talk to has to be Boaz material. The world does not owe us endless Boaz's. You can enjoy a conversation without turning it into an interview. Practice kindness. Practice playfulness. This doesn't mean you ignore red flags. This doesn't even mean you tolerate foolishness. But it does mean that you stop the negativity with hunting for flaws and calling it discernment. If you're constantly bracing and assessing and rehearsing disappointment, you won't recognize a good man when he's sitting right in front of you, or worse, you will turn off a good man who sees your heart as complaining and critical

It is worth becoming the kind of woman who can recognize character without demanding [00:10:00] fantasy it is worth becoming the kind of woman who can receive love, receive connection. Ruth did not stumble into Boaz because she was passively romanticizing her future. She listened to Naomi, moved with humility, positioned herself wisely, allowed herself to be guided.

That is the work that I do. I help amazing women marry the amazing men they deserve. Not fantasy men, men with humility, strength, tenderness, and character to build a covenant life

And love. If you desire marriage, children, family, intimacy, legacy, partnership, and a man of God beside you, then how much longer are you gonna wait, spinning in [00:11:00] circles with a process that is not working? Reach out for help. Reach out for counsel. Reach out for guidance. Reach out for a Naomi. If you already see me as your Naomi, I wanna invite you to come closer.

I have three words for you: kingdom bride unlocked Send me an email. My address is michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com. Write the word bride, and I will send you the details Because, love, it is time for you to be a bride, but only so long as the groom is a Boaz