Ep. 114: How Do I Recognize He’s a Boaz?

How do you know if a man is worth continuing to talk to?

How do you know if he is faithful, serious, godly, and someone you should not let get away?

In this episode, Michelle offers a wiser, more graceful way to think about discernment. 

Michelle Joiner is a Christian dating strategist for discerning Christian women. 

She helps successful single women become unmistakable to the kind of godly, high-caliber man who is ready to choose a wife.

Her clients do not just get dates or attention. They become chosen, cherished, and married well.

To learn more, visit:

thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Whether the kind of man you want enters your story comes down to just one thing: whether he recognizes you as his when he finds you. I am Michelle Joiner, the Christian dating coach. This is a podcast for single Christian women ready to marry well. It's time

One of the questions I hear most often is, how do I know? How do I know if I'm talking to a man who will just waste my time? How do I know if I'm talking to a man I can trust? A man who will be faithful, a man who is serious, a man that I should not let get away Because that is the real question. Not simply how do I know he is a bad guy, but how do I know if he is a good man?[00:01:00] 

Sis, come close. Pretend you are meeting me on Zoom. Pretend you are my client for the next few minutes. Here is the first thing I want you to release. Guys do not waste your time. They are people. Talking to another person God created is not a waste of time. That phrase carries so much pain, so much fear, so much pressure, and I want you to let it go.

You have not been wasting time. You have been living the life God ordained for you, and now you are focusing your attention on something specific. And the best way I can tell you to do that is simple: talk to the men you want to talk to. And when you no longer want to talk to them, stop. Kindly, clearly, peacefully, you can [00:02:00] say, "It's been so nice getting to know you.

I think I'm being called to say goodbye and pursue other connections, but I really appreciate meeting you." Then release him, and release yourself. When I was single, I learned how to flirt pure. I learned how to create chemistry. I learned how to have men genuinely love talking to me. And I learned that by doing two things.

One, I listened to my dating coach, and two, I practiced. I talked to men I enjoyed talking to. And through that, I learned how to talk to men. I learned how to turn a conversation towards spiritual things without making it feel like an interview. I learned how to ask deeper questions without becoming weird.

I learned how to inspire pursuit without chasing. I learned how to have fun. So I was never wasting time. I was learning. I was [00:03:00] discerning. I was becoming the kind of woman who could recognize a good man when he was in front of me, and learning to make sure he could recognize me. Within the first few conversations, I could usually tell where a man was in his walk with the Lord.

Not because I interrogated him, and not because I demanded a spiritual resume, but because I knew how to ask. I knew how to ask about his church or whether he was serving. I knew how to ask who he was listening to, what pastors he was learning from. I knew to ask how he became a Christian And I asked in a way that felt interested and warm and caring, not judgmental.

That is the key. You have to ask real questions. But if you approach a man as though he might be a waste of [00:04:00] time, recognition becomes very difficult because recognizing whether a man may be a Boaz requires grace, and it requires letting go of fear. It requires the fruits of the spirit in your heart. Love, because he's your brother, or perhaps a man God is calling to himself.

Joy, because your future husband exists, and you do not need to approach every conversation with pressure. Peace, because God is writing a beautiful story for you. Kindness, because you are speaking to a man who may also want love and marriage and a life that honors God. You do not recognize a Boaz while holding onto fear.

You recognize him by becoming the kind of woman who carries grace. [00:05:00] Because you're not worried he can take something from you. You're already whole, and you're not looking for perfection in all the external things. You're watching for character, for the work God is doing in him, for the fruit of a life submitted to the Lord.

You're not trying to decide if he's worthy of existing in your inbox. You are learning whether God is inviting you to keep paying attention. That is discernment, not fear. Not interrogation, panic. Discernment, a calm heart, a clear eye, and the grace to be able to ask real questions. That is how you recognize a Boaz.

Not by treating every man like a defendant, but by becoming the kind of woman who can see goodness when it stands in front of her. [00:06:00] So how do you know? You let yourself be led by the Spirit, and you ask the hard questions with grace

You don't want to keep waiting. You're ready for something real. I'm Michelle Joiner. Let's get you married well