Ep. 112: An Engineer’s Take on Dating Fatigue

More time does not fix a process that keeps producing disappointment.

In this episode, Michelle draws from her background as an engineer to explain why repeated disappointment in dating is not neutral. It wears on your hope, your confidence, your softness, and your ability to believe that marriage is still possible.

If you have been deleting and redownloading the apps, trying to stay open, hoping the next attempt will be different, and still finding yourself disappointed by the same kind of men, this episode will help you consider whether your current process is worthy of your desire. 

New episodes every Monday and Thursday for discerning Christian women who are done waiting and ready to marry well.

Learn more at thechristiandatingcoach.com.

To inquire about private mentorship, email Michelle at michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com and share what has been the hardest part of your struggle to marry well.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Whether the kind of man you want enters your story comes down to just one thing: whether he recognizes you as his when he finds you. I am Michelle Joiner, the Christian dating coach. This is a podcast for single Christian women ready to marry well. It's time

 I used to be an engineer. More specifically, I was an analyst. I studied what happened to critical parts on cars and airplanes when they were exposed to heat, pressure, stress, and repeated strain. And one of the things I learned is this: most things do not fail all at once. They fail because the same stress keeps getting applied over and over again.

One [00:01:00] heavy load may be hard, but repeated heavy loads again and again and again are what eventually causes the crack. And sis, this is exactly what I see happening in dating. A woman gets on the apps, she chooses the best pictures she has in her phone, she answers the prompts as well as she can. She tries to sound normal, interesting, warm, not too intense, and then the men approaching her are not the kind of men she wants.

They aren't serious, they aren't godly, not emotionally mature, not marriage-minded, not men she can actually see herself building a life with. So she stays a little longer, then her subscription runs out, or she joins a different app, or she changes a picture, or she rewrites one prompt, or she decides just to [00:02:00] be more open, and then the same thing happens again.

More men she does not want, more conversations that go nowhere, more dates that leave her disappointed, more hope followed by the same quiet ache. Eventually, she deletes the apps. She tells herself she needs a break, and she probably does. But then another few months go by or another year goes by, another birthday, and she realizes she still is not meeting marriage-minded men in real life either.

So she downloads the apps again, same process, same kinds of results, same disappointment. And what I want you to understand is this: that process is not neutral. Repeated disappointment is not neutral. It wears on your hope, it wears on your [00:03:00] confidence, it wears on your softness. It wears on your ability to believe.

It makes you show up guarded. It makes you show up tired It makes you wonder if maybe you are asking for too much. It makes you just want to give up. And that is why more time has not fixed this,

more years of the same pattern will not suddenly become fruit. At some point, the question is not, "How do I keep enduring this?" The question is, "Why am I still using a process that keeps producing a result I don't want?" Because a process that keeps costing you hope does not deserve another year of repetition.

The woman I am speaking to is not passive. She is discerning. She is serious. [00:04:00] She places time at a premium. She is done calling delay wisdom. Waiting can look spiritual, but sometimes it is just settling in prettier clothes. If what you're doing is not putting you in front of the right men, if it is not helping the right man find you, see you, recognize you, if it is not leading to the kind of marriage-minded connection you actually want, then more time is not the answer.

A better process is. This is what I help women create, a process where their value becomes unmistakable. Where the right men who are already on the dating apps swipe right to talk to you instead of left to pass you by. Where chemistry begins at the start of a conversation so that you are not dragging connection forward or [00:05:00] second-guessing every exchange.

Where interest becomes pursuit and pursuit becomes commitment. So if you know your current process is not worthy of your desire, come closer. Visit thechristiandatingcoach.com and learn more about how I help women marry well. And if you're interested in private mentorship, email me at michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com and tell me what has been the hardest part of your struggle to marry well.

The women I work with are not casual about time. They're not interested in hoping forever. They want counsel, direction, and a process worthy of covenant marriage. Because repeated disappointment is not neutral. 

And that is the danger, not just that you waste time, but that you begin to give up on the desire that means the most to you. Sis, if you want to marry well, choose a process that supports your dream, not one that keeps draining it.

You don't want to keep waiting. You're ready for something real. I'm Michelle Joiner. Let's get you married well