Ep. 111: Waiting is Settling

What if settling is not just choosing the wrong man?

What if settling is also allowing yourself to keep living a life beneath the desire God placed in you?

In this episode, Michelle reframes what it means to “never settle” and speaks directly to the Christian woman who is successful, capable, grateful, and still honest enough to admit: I want marriage.

If you have been waiting, hoping, praying, and quietly wondering why nothing is changing, this episode will help you tell the truth about your desire and consider whether your current process is worthy of the life you actually want. 

New episodes every Monday and Thursday for discerning Christian women who are done waiting and ready to marry well.

Learn more at thechristiandatingcoach.com.

 To inquire about private mentorship, email Michelle at michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com and share what has been the hardest part of your struggle to marry well. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Whether the kind of man you want enters your story comes down to just one thing: whether he recognizes you as his when he finds you. I am Michelle Joiner, the Christian dating coach. This is a podcast for single Christian women ready to marry well. It's time When I was single, I had a dating coach who used to say, "Never, ever, ever, ever settle." And at the time, I knew what he meant. He meant don't choose a man beneath your standard. Don't choose a man you are trying to talk yourself into. Don't choose a man who at your core you do not really want And that was good advice.

But now, years later, [00:01:00] as a married woman and mother, and as a dating coach for Christian women, I understand something deeper. Settling is not only about the man you choose. Sometimes settling is about the life you are allowing yourself to live. You can settle for a man beneath your standard, but you can also settle for a life beneath your standard.

You can settle for waking up another year still alone when you deeply desire marriage. You can settle for being successful, responsible, capable, admired everywhere else in life, and still quietly heartbroken in the one area that matters most to you. You can settle for saying, "I'm fine," when the truth is, you wanted to be building a life with someone by now.[00:02:00] 

You wanted the ordinary things, the Saturday morning snuggles, the shared prayers, the what are we doing for dinner, the hand on your back in church, the home you are building together. And sis, I wanna say this with so much love. Stop settling. Stop calling a life you do not want contentment. It is not more spiritual to deny the desire for marriage if God has placed that desire in you.

It is not more mature to keep shrinking your hope so you don't have to face the pain of wanting. And it is not faith to keep repeating a process that is not producing fruit, and then call the absence of fruit God's timing. Sometimes what we call waiting is wisdom, but sometimes what we call waiting is fear, avoidance, [00:03:00] disappointment that has learned how to sound spiritual.

And if we are honest, it is settling. So let today be the day you tell the truth. I am grateful for my life. I am thankful for what God has given me. I am not desperate. I am not incomplete. I am not less valuable because I am single, and I still want marriage. I wanna be chosen. I wanna build a life with a godly man.

I want a covenant partnership, a home that is shared. I want love, and I wanna be loved. I wanna marry well. That honesty matters because you cannot steward a desire you keep minimizing. And after you admit this desire, the next question is not How do I pretend I'm okay without this? The next question is, what [00:04:00] process am I using to move toward my desire?

And at some point, a woman has to draw a line in the sand and say, "My desire is real, but my current process is not working, and I'm going to find a process that does," that is not chasing, that is not striving, that is not taking the pen out of God's hand. That is stewardship. If you wanted to build a business, you would get counsel.

If you wanted to become excellent in your career, you would learn from people ahead of you. If you wanted to heal your body, manage your money, buy a home, or make any other significant life decision, you would not expect yourself to figure out everything alone with no guidance. But somehow, when it comes to love, so many Christian women have been taught to wait, pray, hope, [00:05:00] and quietly wing it.

And then they blame themselves when nothing changes. Sis, no You are not failing. You are not too much. It is not true that good men don't exist, and your desire is not wrong. But your process may not be worthy of your desire. It may not be putting you in front of the right men. It may not be helping the right men find you, see you, and recognize you.

And if that is true, the solution is not to shame yourself. The solution is to stop settling for a process that does not work. Now, my process is not for everyone. It is not for women who want to casually consume more dating advice. It's not for women who wanna keep circling the same questions for another year.

It's [00:06:00] not for women who want reassurance but not movement. My private mentorship is for women who are ready to make a significant investment towards a significant desire. It is for women who wanna marry well, for women who are ready to move quickly, transform quickly, be guided powerfully, and create results they have not been able to create on their own.

Because the goal is not just more dates. The goal is not just more matches. The goal is to become the kind of woman who is clearly positioned to be found, seen, and recognized by the kind of man she actually wants, a high-caliber, godly man, a man with character, a man with capacity who is not confused by your value, but drawn to it So if you're listening [00:07:00] to this and something in you knows, "I am done pretending this is enough for me.

I am done waiting inside a process that is not working. I am ready to marry well," then I invite you to come closer. Visit my website at thechristiandatingcoach.com and learn more about how I help women. Then send me an email at michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com and tell me you are interested in private mentorship.

Tell me what has been the hardest part of your struggle to marry well. And if it looks like you may be a strong candidate for private mentorship, I will let you know, and we can meet on Zoom to confirm the fit. But whether you work with me or not, I want you to make one decision today. Stop settling, not just for the wrong men, for the wrong life.

Stop settling for attempts that have never worked. Stop [00:08:00] settling for vague hope with no effective movement. Stop settling for another year of calling it patience when deep down you know you are being invited into courage. Admit the desire, tell the truth, and act accordingly because you do not have to keep circling the life you really want.

You can move, and you can marry well 

You don't want to keep waiting. You're ready for something real. I'm Michelle Joiner. Let's get you married well