Ep. 98: Mind Reading Isn’t Love — Learn to Speak His Language

If you’ve ever wished a man could just know what you need — this episode is for you.

In “Mind Reading Isn’t Love — Learn to Speak His Language,” Christian dating coach Michelle Joiner reveals the secret to creating real connection: not through hints or pressure, but through communication that inspires. She shares her own long-distance story with her husband Caleb, the moment she stopped wishing he’d read her mind, and how learning to speak King’s Language transformed everything.

Discover how to express your heart with clarity, call out the hero in a godly man, and experience the kind of love that feels safe, warm, and secure.

🎓 Join the Swipe. Match. Marry. Masterclass this Sunday, October 26 — and upgrade to VIP for Male Language Secrets.
👉 www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/masterclass

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis, have you ever wished a man could just know? Know when you're upset, know how to help you, know what you need, know how to love you without you having to say anything. We've all been there. The moment when silence feels romantic until it becomes lonely.

But here's the truth, mind reading isn't love. Love requires communication, real, honest, grown woman, faith-filled communication. I've seen far too many relationships fall apart because women assumed a man who truly loves her would just know.

But that belief that he should read your heart without words has quietly destroyed more godly relationships than it should. Let me tell you a little bit about my story. When Caleb and I were dating, it was not easy. We were long distance. He was in Oregon. I was in Michigan. And like so many couples in a similar season, we had to build emotional connection

without the help of proximity. I remember early on, I used to wish he would call me more or plan time together more. I wanted him to just know how much that would mean to me. But wishing doesn't create change, communication does. I actually talked to one of my close male cousins about it and he said something that stuck with me.

and possibly saved our relationship. He told me, Michelle, stop dropping hints and be specific. So instead of waiting for Caleb to figure it out, I came up with an idea. I asked him for three date nights a week, a Bible study night, a game night, and a movie night. Yes, these were long distance dates. And I made it clear

that these were special. His family didn't get to pull rank and make him cancel out on these dates. And he completely understood the message. But here's what mattered most. I didn't issue this request in a complaining voice. I didn't say, never make time for me. I don't know if I want to be in this relationship. You don't meet my needs. I didn't say that. I said.

I love the sound of your voice. You make me happy. And doing this would really bring joy to my week and make me feel loved. That language inspired him to pursue my heart. I didn't complain, not even in my heart. I showed him how to be my hero. That's the difference

between testing a man and showing him how to love you. One creates distance, the other creates a man who adores you. Mind reading feels romantic in movies and Hollywood because it looks like a deep connection. But in real life, it's a setup for resentment.

When we expect a man to know what we need without having to say anything, we're setting him up to fail and setting ourselves up to feel unloved. I heard this teaching that mind reading isn't love from John Deloney this week, a important Christian psychologist. And he said something else that perfectly captures this.

People can't meet needs they don't know exist. It's so simple yet so freeing. You can stop hinting. You can stop dropping subtle clues and ultimatums and then feeling disappointed when he doesn't comply. You can stop assuming that saying your needs out loud somehow makes them less romantic because it doesn't. It makes them reachable.

Even the most godly, emotionally intelligent man cannot meet a need that hasn't been named. When I told Caleb what I needed, it wasn't from a place of criticism, but from love, but from respect. And he didn't resist it. He rose to it because men want to win. They want to feel that their efforts matter, that their love makes a difference.

And when a woman communicates her needs with grace instead of frustration and threats and complaints, a man doesn't feel controlled. He feels called. And then you get to watch him do everything that he can to make you happy with success. This isn't just modern day relationship advice. It's biblical truth.

Proverbs 31 describes a woman who opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Notice that she opens her mouth. She speaks with kindness. Ephesians 4.15 says we should speak the truth and love. From the very beginning, God modeled that love communicates. He spoke creation into being and he invites us to do the same, to use our words to bring life.

not confusion. When you speak with truth and tenderness, you're not nagging. You're aligning with God's design for connection. So often women think being quiet makes them godly. But silence that breeds resentment isn't holiness. It's heartache. You can be kind, humble, and still clear because clarity

loving. Here's what I've learned. Every man wants to feel like he can win the woman he loves. He wants to be her safe place, her provider, her protector. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually too. And when you can show your man how to be your hero,

you become a source of pleasure to him that he will never want to let go. But when you withhold your needs or expect him to guess at them and then let him know that he's failing, you've robbed him of the opportunity. He's not inspired by your independence. He's inspired by your invitation. When I told Caleb how much those dates meant to me, I wasn't asking for effort.

I was inviting him into intimacy. I was saying, here's how you can make me feel cherished. And that was exactly what he wanted to do because that's what men do when they feel capable of winning your heart. They rise to the challenge. That's what I now call King's language. The way of speaking that calls a man up, not out. It's language rooted in honor.

not demand. It's how you draw out the hero, not the boy. And when you master it, you'll watch the atmosphere of your relationship transform. He'll listen differently, he'll lead it differently, and you'll feel cherished instead of frustrated.

Maybe you've been disappointed before. Maybe you've tried to communicate and it backfired. Or maybe you've dated men who didn't listen, didn't lead, or didn't care. And now you're tempted to believe that if you have to explain it, it's not real love. But I want to remind you, you don't need a perfect man. You need one that loves you, adores you.

and wants to see you and make you happy. A man who's willing to grow, to listen, to learn how to love you better. When you learn how to speak to his heart in ways that build trust instead of tension, you make it easy for that kind of man to find you. God isn't asking you to settle for less. He's inviting you to partner with him.

to believe that your voice spoken with love and wisdom and grace can shape the marriage you have prayed for.

If this message is stirring something in you, if you're realizing that what's been missing isn't love but language, I want to personally invite you to my free live masterclass happening Sunday, October 26th, 2025. It's called Swipe, Match, Marry, and it's designed to help you meet your godly husband.

with confidence, clarity, and strategy, not confusion. You'll learn how to use dating apps effectively while keeping your standards high, how to create attraction and chemistry that honors God, how to stop getting friend-zoned and finally be pursued. And for those who are ready to accelerate your journey, up.

grade to VIP for my bonus session, Male Language Secrets That's where I teach you exactly how to speak King's language, how to inspire man's pursuit with warmth, honor and faith and absolute joy. Because when you know how to speak the language of men, you stop striving for attention.

and start receiving leadership. So go to the christiandatingcoach.com slash masterclass and grab your spot now. Don't wait because the man God has for you can't miss your heart. If you're speaking in a way he can finally hear I'll leave you with us.

You are not too much. You are not hard to love. You just haven't been understood yet. And when you learn to communicate your heart with kindness and confidence, you won't have to beg to be loved. You'll simply be received. Because the right man doesn't want to read your mind. He wants to hear your heart. Come to my free masterclass.

Come learn how to open your mouth with wisdom, speak life into love, and inspire a man to be your hero. I'll see you Sunday at Swipe Match Marry. Let's get you married, sis.