Ep. 93: Ask the Guys Interview – “Why He Hasn’t Asked You Out”

You asked to hear from Caleb again—and this time he’s joined by two of his friends for an unfiltered, faith-filled conversation about dating and marriage. In this special extended episode, the guys share what really goes on in a man’s mind:

• Making the first move (and why he hasn’t yet)
• Communication in marriage and gracious reminders
• How long it takes a guy to know if he wants to marry you
• Red flags in Christian men
• What men actually look for in a wife

This conversation is straight from the Ask a Guy section inside Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The Course. Inside the course, there are seven full conversations just like this one, where Caleb and other godly men answer the exact questions my clients ask.

If you loved this conversation, imagine what the other six will unlock for you.

👉 Join Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The Course today and get access to all seven Ask a Guy sessions—plus my full blueprint for meeting, attracting, and marrying your handsome, godly husband: [CLICK HERE FOR COURSE LINK]

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
 Hey, hey sis, real treat today. You've heard my husband Caleb on here before and so many of you asked to hear from him again. Today, he's joined by two of his friends for an unfiltered, faith-filled conversation about making the first move in dating, communication and marriage. How long it takes a man to know if he wants to marry you and why.
 
 he hasn't asked you out yet. What you're about to hear is actually one of the Ask You Guys sessions from inside my program, Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The Course. Inside The Course, there are seven full conversations just like this one with Caleb and other godly men. The questions come from my clients and they're the exact questions women like you are dying to ask.
 
 Today's episode is a special extended session, almost an hour, but I promise you'll want to hang on for every minute. I'm releasing this from my course because it's too good to keep behind a paywall. And I know it will bless you and help you on your journey to finding your handsome godly husband. If you enjoy today's episode, just imagine what the other six conversations
 
 will unlock for you. The link to join Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The course and here my step-by-step frameworks plus all seven Ask A Guy sessions is in the show notes. you ready? Let's dive in.
 
 Michelle Joiner (01:46)
 All right, we'll start with Dawson. Dawson, can you introduce yourself?
 
 Yeah, my name is Dawson. I have been married to my wife, Anna.
 
 who is actually Caleb's sister for 15 years now. And we've got five kids. I got married sort of late in life. Later, I was, I think, 27 or 28. And Anna and I met at college. She was living in Christian, or in a on-house, on-campus housing.
 
 with a bunch of ladies and I was living with a bunch of guys and also on campus housing. And we met through a mutual friend and I was intrigued by her and asked her out to coffee and we got to know each other and the Lord brought us together and that was 16 or 17 years ago and now we've got five awesome kids between the ages of 12 and almost four.
 
 And I'm the IT director for a nonprofit here in  Oregon in the Northwest. And that's sort of the short and sweet. Yeah. you're going to have to tell them about Dawson dates. I'm happy to share about that. All right. Thank you for that intro, Dawson.
 
 Well, then we'll go to Caleb. Well, I think you guys might recognize me. I think I'm in a couple of Michelle's training videos and I know she talks about me. But Michelle and I, if Dawson met later in life, Michelle and I met like really later in life. Shoot, were we, I don't even know. Did we get married when we was 36, 37? Something like that. It was, it was close.
 
 closer to 40 than anything else. And we met online, where I'm sure we'll talk a little bit more about this, where she had messaged me. And I was thinking, she was in Michigan, I was in Oregon. I was thinking with the distance, this probably isn't going to go anywhere. But it doesn't hurt to talk to somebody, right? And then she started using all her tricks on me.
 
 Chemistry was  fizzing. And anyways, now we're together and  we have two little boys. They're twins. They're two and a half. And I just finished changing their diapers. And  then we just have a newborn little girl who's at three months.
 
 thanks for that intro, Caleb. Yeah, we did meet online. So Dawson met in person at college, which is not like the dream ladies to just meet your husband in college. And then Caleb and I met online a lot later. Jason, how did you meet Rachel?
 
 So I met my wife working at a summer camp So we worked at Camp Tadmore here in Oregon so we were on staff together for two summers and We started dating I think the second summer after We were on staff together for the second time So yeah, we had we became real close friends this I guess the
 
 January following our second summer together. And we just kind of kept talking pretty much every day. And we just built a really close friendship. And then I came in, I visited her a couple of times while she was on staff.  And I was on an internship over the summer.  So we were just hanging out and stuff like that. And then  we just kept talking and our relationship just kind of kept progressing. And  eventually we 
 
 decided that we both kind of liked each other and wanted to give this thing a shot. So my wife is actually, she's from Canada. So most of our relationship was a long distance as well. So that was a little bit of a strain, but you know, we made it through and it was well worth it. And the visa process was also a little bit of a challenge, but we got through it and we're very happy and we've been together, or I guess we've been married now for six and a half years.
 
 Awesome. Thank you, Jason. that like that's just like a good testimony that like friends first like really works right Jason? Absolutely. I've a bunch of questions, but like you're here live on the call so you can ask live questions too. If you have a question, go ahead and put it in the chat.  Her question is when a woman has asked a guy for help.
 
 and the guy says he will do it when he can, but forgets. What would you recommend a woman do? The goal is to get that task done and both people feel respected. And I think I'm going to send this question to Dawson with the five kids, because I'm sure he gets asked to do a lot of things.
 
  Unfortunately, I have plenty of experience with the exact situation.  I actually in the last couple years realized I've self diagnosed myself  through memes, ADHD memes. was like, wait a minute, are these not, that's just not something that everyone deals with.  And so I've realized I have some executive  function disorder that got to,  that presents a, 
 
 a challenge. 
 
 Generally, we are well intentioned like we have good intentions  And we just forget if it's out of sight it's out of mind  I'm not good at maintenance unless it's right in front of me and some things are in front of me and you just get used to them and then you stop seeing them so  Sometimes it takes a reminder a  And maybe a reminder and like well when could that
 
 be done? Do we want to do it together? Do you need help? Do you need anything for it?  Sometimes it doesn't feel urgent. It doesn't feel like it needs to be done now. And so I'll do it later. And then later just keeps being later. So
 
 I think you can remind without nagging. And I think it's  making a plan is better than just, hey, I asked you to do that thing. Why didn't you do that thing? It's just like, hey, I'm not sure if you remembered there's this thing that needs to be done. Maybe it's as simple as taking the garbage out.  Other things, I have to set a reminder on my phone. I have to put things on the calendar. I have, it's in my calendar.
 
 that every Wednesday night, yeah, the garbage has to go down to the street. And I have like three different things that will remind me from my phone that that has to happen that night. Yeah. So don't be afraid of reminders. I think it's what you're saying often. Yeah. And if it's the kind of thing that it's over and over and it seems like, it's just doesn't matter how many times I remind him, he never remembers. Maybe.
 
 We are men generally are solution oriented. We don't care about how we feel about forgetting necessarily. So if you have a solution is like, well, do you want to put a reminder in your phone, right? offer solutions, help us make a plan. And sometimes we want to do things with other people. So I want to throw something in here just because I lived with Anna and Dawson. And I will give props to my sister.
 
 she is fantastic at the gracious reminder. Like when she asks you to do something or she's reminding you, she doesn't make it feel like you have failed me. and I think that's, that's another, that's another thing because, 
 
 If you ask, if you ask a guy to do something and it goes onto his list, right? He's aware of it and it's there, but he's not putting the priority on it that you would like to see. Like he's got other things on his list ahead of this thing that you want him to do. So if you keep coming back and like reminding him about that thing or like, when are you going to do it? Like that, that word is where it can come into nagging territory and that doesn't feel good.
 
 Right. Because that's like, like, I'm aware of this thing. Like the fact that you keep bringing it up means that you don't have any trust in me. Like, it's like a, like, but if you want it higher on the priority list,  it's, it's good to say things like, well, like, let, let him know that it's bothering you. Right. Like I'm having trouble concentrating because this hasn't been done yet. Or like, this is.
 
 You know, it's like physically painful that like, whenever I see that this hasn't been done yet, could you move it higher on the priority list is a lot like more understandable than like, isn't it done yet? I just want to throw into that. can have a conversation and ask him like what's on the list ahead of this, you know, so you can, you can be honest in that way. Dawson, did you have something you wanted to say?
 
 Sometimes we don't have a context for the urgency, right? We're like, yeah, it's a thing that needs to be done. But if you say, actually, remember, we've got company coming over on this day and we can't do it the day before. And so actually, I need it done tomorrow. It's like,  yeah, now all the dots are connected. I see why it's urgent for you and why it now needs to be urgent for me. Yeah. You can always be honest.
 
 I have a question I want to pass to Jason on because I think it'd be kind of interesting in your story because you were friends with Rachel before you started dating. So I'm going to ask you this question that we just got  in the chat. How long does it take a guy to know if he wants to marry a woman? I was told men know relatively quickly. So I guess, I guess like what she's also saying is, did you know pretty quickly that you wanted to marry Rachel?
 
 No, it was definitely not quick for us. So I mean, we, you know, we had known each other for about two years before we got to the point where we were talking every day just as friends. And so we actually, we started talking every day coming out of my previous relationship. My first girlfriend broke up with me and then that's kind of when my wife, checked in on me just as a friend. And then we just kind of never stopped talking after that. So for us,
 
 Um, it was probably, I want to say at least a year and a half probably, um, until, know, there was any, you know, kind of idea of, you know, a dating relationship, um, just because, you know, a, had gotten out of another relationship. I wasn't looking for another one. Um, and then you also, you know, we had spent, you know, this, you know, significant amount of time, you know, building up a very strong friendship, which
 
  Personally, I'm not a super outgoing person. I don't make friends quickly and easily. there was actually a couple months period where I was actually suppressing. I would have these little thoughts pop into my head like, maybe you could consider dating or something like that. I actually spent a couple months just kind of suppressing that and be like, no, don't ruin this awesome friendship that you have.  And so then... 
 
 So yeah, it was probably about a year and a half before or so before we actually kind of moved into the, we actually like each other and there is something more here than just a good friendship.  And so it definitely wasn't instantaneous. When you started dating, how long was it before you asked her to marry you?  We were dating for about a year  before I proposed. 
 
 So yeah, there was definitely, there were definitely some times like through that, you know, through our dating relationship where, you know, it was quite difficult just because of the circumstances. So she was, we started dating in May and then  when she came down to work at camp for her last year and she just had a very, a very difficult  time at camp with her team that year.
 
 She was leading a team and so it was definitely not the best time for her to be, you know, starting a relationship. So that was definitely hard on us, but that was, you know, one of the nice things, you know, we had been, you know, building a really strong friendship ahead of that. So, you know, if we had just, you know, started dating, you know, instantly and we didn't have that, you know, strong basis of friendship, we definitely would not have made it.
 
 So we did not have an easy dating relationship by any means. Yeah. I'm going to toss this question to Caleb because I think he might have something interesting to say about how our relationship works. Just thank you for that, Jason. That was really good. I want to give a different perspective too. So it's not always instantaneous. Caleb, what would you say? Yeah, I agree with that.
 
 The whenever you're starting a new relationship, you have this like mental picture of the person you're looking for. Right. Like this is like what the ideal is. And then. And you've got this new person that you're starting a relationship with and you know a little bit about it and and hopefully some of those things match up. And as you begin to color in like who this real person is, you start to see where they  match or don't match.
 
 with what the ideal is. And you have to reach the point where you're either like, OK, I'm going to accept these differences and going to be OK with them, or no, these are deal breakers.  For Michelle and I,  right off the bat, like I said, lots of chemistry.  And  it wasn't until the first visit where I actually flew out to Michigan and got to know her.
 
 in person a bit where I had the thought I could marry this girl. when was that? Like, how long had you known me when you had the thought I could marry this girl? Oh, don't make me pick dates. What? I don't know. How long was it before I went to Michigan? So we started talking in June. Okay. And then he came to visit me in August. She's got all the dates. And he was like, Yeah, about three months.
 
 girl, but he kept going. wasn't it wasn't on the very first day though. Right? Like we were like there for like second day, three days. And it was the third day. Like I had the thought like, I could marry this girl.  And then and then we had our you know, I went back to Oregon, we have this long distance dating relationship. And  I had some hang ups some things I had to get over things that like, I thought that were important to me that I
 
 came to realize through my relationship with Michelle weren't important. And other things that she brought to the table that I hadn't considered before that actually, yeah, like those were really important.  then,  but Michelle, will say Michelle was ready before I was. Like she was like, I want to get married. And we were always talking like that, like in mind, like this, that's where this could lead.  And  I was like, well,
 
 I felt strongly like we had to live in at least in the same time zone for a little bit before I was ready to commit to marriage.  she for herself, so in the beginning it was like, well, I could come out to Michigan or you could come here to Oregon. And then when I went to visit her, was like, Michigan is a pit. I do not want to live here.
 
  And  she didn't have, you know, none of her family was in Michigan.  she did have a condo,  but, and she had a job that she hated,  and she had recently left her church family and she hadn't gotten a new one yet. So there were a lot of things like Oregon's where all of my roots are,  that were kind of pushing her to come out here. 
 
 But she also really, she was taking all the risk, right? Like, I'm going to sell my house and I'm going to move for a guy that won't propose, right? so, you know, she was, and we had a conversation about how she wanted a ring before she came out here and I- How, how, I'm going to ask you this question. Okay. How committed to pursuing marriage?
 
 Were you at that point? Like how committed, like how committed were you to prove like, I'm probably going to marry Michelle. Where were you at that time? Right. So the, at that point it was like, like, I, everything's pretty good, right? Like we had had a couple difficulties tied to the distance relationship tied to Michelle's illness. And I'm sure she's talked about that with you guys.
 
 And those had resolved themselves. so her coming out was just kind of like the next stop in the progression towards the destination. until you say, do, there's always the.
 
 there's an option to pull the emergency brake, right?  But I didn't, we never, yeah, there wasn't anything that like ever was leading me towards that. and I, I'm glad we did it the way that we did. I think that it showed discernment and wisdom. And I think Michelle would maybe agree with me. So, Emina, just to help you out, like, it was about
 
 three months before we started kind of like in our mind, like maybe we could marry each other. And then it was another year and I decided to move to Oregon. And like you hear Caleb saying, like even then he was still, still thinking, still praying, still wondering, still asking questions, still wanting to know more. So, so in answer to your question, I was told men know relatively quickly.
 
 I would say that's not true for every man. and the other thing is quickly is really relative. So some people would say a year and a half is quick, actually, right. So I hope I hope that if you have any like, add on questions, I'm gonna go ahead and put you do men. Do men seek out help in this area? Is that what you're asking? She says,
 
 Do they know how it seems that men are less likely than women to seek out a Christian dating coach or a matchmaker? Like, why is it that men don't ask for help? Like, we've got to ask Dawson this question. Like, Dawson, like, I feel like all three of you are probably going to have to chime in on this question. Knowing Dawson, I don't think he needed help. I think he came out of the crib ready to date.
 
 I think it can it very much depends I don't think that men are typically thinking they're not proactive about like I should I should ask someone for help around this now if  if they have people in their life that  They respect that our leader. So I have an amazing relationship with my dad He's been a spiritual leader in my life. And and so he's always been someone I can talk to you about
 
 you know, this kind of thing. And I have. And if he's got some really solid good friends around him who talk about these things, which I know is rare, but I also was gifted with that,  then I think we're more likely to talk with the people that we already know. I don't think, yeah, I can't imagine
 
 trying to start a business like Michelle has, but the target audience is men looking for dating coaches. just, right, we're like, no, I don't know. I'll figure it I'm gonna say when I started my coaching business, there was a coach on Instagram, her name is Melanie. She's got about 20,000 followers. think she's got about 20,000 followers. So there are men out there who have dating coaches like,
 
 I don't know. She teaches men. she coaches men. has 20,000, looks like all male followers. So it exists. Like Jason, would you ever have signed up with a dating coach? Personally, like I'm very much more comfortable with, you know, people like I know, kind of like Dawson was saying. So, you know, I did seek out advice like from my brother.
 
 who's very similar to me. And so we share a lot of the same line of thinking. And so he's always been a good role model for me. And  I was able to kind of talk through some of my dating questions and things like that. like,  I ready for marriage kind of thing.  And so for me, just because I'm not,  go out there and
 
 you know, meet somebody new and pour out my heart to them, you know, that's probably not my go-to, but also, you know, it does come back to the, you know, kind of guy mentality of, you know, we don't need help, we can do it on our own kind of thing, even though we can't, but we like to think so. I think that might be it, that guys have a different mentality that they can do things on their own. Is that true, Caleb? I don't actually know, but I think so.
 
 First of all, just to contrast Dawson, like my dad never gave me any advice about women at all. I think maybe he said once, don't just marry the first girl who sticks her tongue down your throat. But like nothing.  And I didn't even realize dating coaches was a thing until I saw the movie Hitch. And I'm sure that's the same for a lot of guys out there.  I probably needed one though.
 
 Like, I got my heart broken a few times when it was probably completely avoidable. I, now those experiences shaped me and started me on the path to becoming the guy that was able to get together with Michelle. Like, that was, it's kind of funny. look at, Michelle and I talk about how, sorry, I'm going off on a tangent here.
 
 you know, we met late in life and we had like the, each had like a hard journey to reach the point where we came together. And when you look at that path, it's like, I don't see how it could have gone any other way. Like the fact that like we have these things that we kind of maybe regret or, or wish could have been otherwise, but if they had been otherwise, we would have missed each other. 
 
 So in that sense, we're grateful for those difficult experiences. Yeah, so I definitely feel like I could have used help with my online dating profile. I could have used help with how I was talking and texting and phone calling in relationships. And they probably would have gone a lot smoother. I probably wouldn't have paid for it, though. I'm pretty cheap.
 
 So I would have been like, you know, maybe if I, there was like a dating for dummies book or something that I could have used that. Yeah. All right. So here's some hot, like pepper popcorn questions that we're going to answer pretty quickly.  can we judge how much a guy is interested in us based on how he pursues us?
 
 that for anyone? I'm going to let whoever feels like they can answer this best, but I'm just going to elaborate just a little bit unless you want to elaborate on some more on this question. We often tell ourselves as women that if a guy doesn't pursue us, he's not interested. So that's what this question is. Can we judge if he's interested by how he pursues us?
 
 That's what we're telling ourselves. Who wants to answer that real quick?
 
 I think a lot of guys are actually insecure or  we're afraid to, well, maybe you've got a friend like Jason said, we don't want to ruin a good friendship by saying, I've got a crush on you. I'm interested in you. You want to go on a date. then it's like,  can't be friends with that guy.  And I was definitely cautious about doing that with Anna.
 
 a lot younger. She was a think a sophomore in college at the time and I was  a non-traditional student. I was a little older and I was afraid, am I misreading this girls? She might just be really friendly. She might be friendly to everyone, but most girls aren't that friendly to me.  And so I had to check in with a roommate. I was like, hey, if I asked Anna to coffee, would she be okay with that? Do you think like, is that, you know,
 
 too forward. So like, no, that I think she'd be interested in that. 
 
 But I a lot of us guys think that, I'm just gonna have to trick some really nice girl into thinking that I'm worthy of her affection and love and that I'm a worthy companion. We just don't trust that the kind of woman that we wanna marry is gonna be interested in us. So I think it's...
 
 We need more than a little hint to know that like, hey, I like spending time with you.  Like,  wow. Well, didn't see that coming.  But knowing that you are interested in spending time with us, if we're interested in spending time with you, we probably will pursue that. If- Here's a question, like just the next question she has. I'm gonna-
 
 I want you to finish it Dawson, finish your answer answering this. If he doesn't make a move after knowing us for a while, should we assume he's not interested?
 
 So ideally, I think the man makes the first move. But if he's not making the move, I think we should have the maturity to be able to just say, well, I had a girl ask me once, I need to know what this relationship is. I need to know where we're headed. Is this just a friendship or are you interested in me? So hopefully you've got the guts to say that.
 
 if it needs to be said.  It might be the question that he needs to be like,  I gotta, I gotta be serious about this. can't. is the answer no. If he doesn't make a move, does that mean he's not interested in the answer? No, that doesn't mean that if you give him an opportunity, if you ask him to clarify what he's interested in, and he doesn't say that he's interested in a romantic relationship, I think that's a pretty good sign that he's
 
 not interested.  But the question is, if he doesn't make a move, I think I'm pretty sure that this isn't like me telling you I like you. This is just we're just friends and I like you. You haven't made a move. Meaning you haven't asked me on a date. Does that mean you're not interested? I think it's where that conversation happens. I think it depends on the guy. I was very
 
 I knew what I wanted and I was very okay with low level dates, low expectation dates. Hey, let's just go get coffee. We'll get to know each other and we'll see how that goes. Rather than, you know, lot of in the Christian world, especially, you know, the college Christian world, it's like, hey, I've seen you at Bible study before and we've never talked, but I think God told me that you're gonna be my wife.
 
 We don't want to have that conversation. it's like, how do we have? I think what you're saying, Dawson, is if you're interested in someone, think this is what you're saying. If we as women are interested in someone and they're not making a move, maybe then maybe the next step for us is to have a clarifying conversation. Or that's pretty bold. Or I mean, if. Let them like.
 
 there, Michelle, I know you teach an entire unit on how to let a guy know that you're interested in him. Like there's like, there's lots of things. So sometimes, sometimes a guy's like,
 
 Sorry, I'm taking over.
 
 If a guy is putting  energy into a relationship with you, it's a safe bet that he's interested. Even if it's a very good friendship, and maybe those are the exceptions rather than the rule, I, you know, generally I have found like if he is putting energy in like,  he's getting you gifts.  he's coming up with fun events for the two of you. Like guys will accept friendship from women pretty easily.
 
 It's when they're putting energy in, then it's more like, OK, maybe this is he's actually interested. OK, so that's the first thing. Second thing is that  there are times, though, where there's a girl out there, the guy's aware of her, guy may even be attracted to her, might even think, doesn't want to come off as a creep, thinks like she's maybe out of his league. She thinks that she doesn't know that she's interested. And if he knew that she was interested, then he might be
 
 willing to get on board.  Otherwise, he's risking rejection. Jason, you nod your head because you were friends with Rachel for like over a year before you made a move. And now you're married to her. Did you want to weigh in on this? Well, so Rachel actually made the first move in our relationship. Because as I kind of mentioned before, when those thoughts just
 
 started popping in my head like, hey, this is a possibility. I was just shoving those down because for me personally, I'm not a put myself out there kind of person. like  Dawson said, I am risk averse. so  that was kind of where at that point, that was kind of where I was content of being is, hey, we've got a good friendship and I'm never going to touch that with a 10 foot pole. And then about a couple of months
 
 you after I kind of started having those thoughts, we spent a couple days together. She was down for Christmas with it to visit her family.  And then like the couple days like after she went back up to Canada, she had been talking with her girlfriends and like one of them told him like, Hey, like you guys are acting like more than just friends, like you need to figure out what's going on. So she called me right before I was going into a lab school and
 
 She was like, okay, you can't say anything. I'm going to say this, this, this, and this. like, she was just like lightning speed, like, hey, I like you, like, blah, blah, blah. And you know, she was like, okay, bye. So she, she made the first move. And I mean, that was, that was very comforting for me because, you know, I was definitely, I was not intending to make any sort of move, even though, you know, you know, I was, you know, I would have been interested in that point, but.
 
 Yeah, so and then even in in my first dating relationship I did make the first move in that one, but I was very Very confident that you know, she was interested me by that point because there's probably you know a good You know three to four month period at that point Where I was, you know kind of like talking to her friends or you know picking up hints from other people that were on staff at camp because she was also worked out on staff at camp with us and
 
 everybody was hinting at it and be like, when are you getting a date? Or like not quite that obvious, but pretty much. so I mean, that's kind of what it took for me to make the first move. but I mean, that's just how I am as a person. I'm very reserved. I don't put myself out there. yeah. Yeah. But that's okay. Cause we have three guys on this call and they all like indicated that just because
 
 a guy likes you doesn't mean he's going to act right away, right? Can I get thumbs up on that from all of you guys? Just because he likes you doesn't mean he's going to act right away. With the corollary, if he is acting, he does like you. I think if he's interested, he's probably looking for clues. The problem is we're generally clueless. We don't pick up on hints very well. 
 
 I'm in favor of like, this is just me, rather than play games, communicate clearly. Yeah. That's, mean, I kind of, I hear a lot of women say that they want to be in their feminine and they don't want to use masculine energy and they want to let the guy initiate and all of those things. And you can do all of those things. You can let the guy lead. You can let
 
 let the guy be the masculine one, you can be the feminine one and get your guy. You can still get your guy. like, I like to say that like, this is a union, like you guys are working together, you know? And so like, let's help each other, you know, for the us. And that's what Rachel did. you know, so that's good. Thank you guys.
 
 I'm going to ask Caleb this question and feel free to like say like like definitely guys like tell it like it is we want to hear what you have to say. Okay. So let me ask this question. If the guy always dates the same type physically would he be less attracted to a girl who looks different from his type? Well, let Caleb answer that question. So that's kind of funny because Michelle was not
 
 like my quote unquote hype that I had been traditionally interested in when we started talking. mean, I think she's gorgeous. So she had that in her favor.  the he she, you know, she's heavier than I had typically gone for. I was usually more interested in
 
 And I had never,  I had dated, had gone on one date with one black girl before. and it had really not gone well.  and the,  and I, you know, I, I wasn't like opposed ideologically. just hadn't found many black girls that I was attracted to. Now I was attracted to Michelle. And so.
 
 When you
 
 When it's the right person,  then, then yeah, then then sparks a fly. I will say it's very rare, not impossible, but it's very rare when you meet someone and you're like not attracted to them. And then like over time, then you become attracted to them. Like it can happen if you're having an occasion to see like their like personality shine through.
 
 and kind of overcome. mean, sorry, another soapbox here. Eventually, everyone just looks like themselves, right? Like you might meet someone and they're like, they're beautiful, like that beautiful girl. And then you start to get to know them and you're like, wow, she is really a terrible person. And I am now not attracted to her at all. Right. Or,  she is  a nice person. And now I'm attracted to her as Michelle. Right. Like as opposed to 
 
 just that anonymous, beautiful person. like.
 
 physical attraction piece comes first. It's hard to override it  if it's not there, though.
 
 I have here, how can we let a guy know we are interested in him without being too forward? And I'm gonna say like, I'm gonna teach you that. I'm gonna teach you the feminine wiles without being too forward. But so I'm gonna I'm just gonna say that. But  Jason, do you have any comments about like, like, what feels too forward to you? Like, have you ever experienced a woman
 
 who was just too forward and it turned you off. Did you ever experience that?  I wouldn't say I had experienced that. as I mentioned when my wife called me and told me that she was interested in me, that was about as forward as you get.  But if I wasn't interested in the back of my mind at that point,  then I might have been like, okay, this is kind of weird.
 
  but you know, there was, you know, there was, you know, signals going both ways that, we were, you know, we were at a stage in our friendship that we were like, yeah, this is, you know, we, we value this as potentially more than a friendship. So,  you know, I think in that case, you know, it, it wasn't necessarily too forward, even though that, you know, it was about as, you know, out there as,  you know, you can get. Yeah. I think that's a really good lesson that she literally
 
 told you, I like you. And really, that is, you're absolute, that is really pretty forward and you didn't think it, you didn't think that, right? Yeah. Pretty cool. All right. There's a question in the chat. What are some red flags women should be aware of in Christian men? And I put that to Dawson because sometimes Dawson and I talk about this, but Dawson has daughters and I think
 
 there, one of them's 12 and you know, stuff like that. So Dawson probably thought about this and like, what are the red flags that you probably are already encouraging your daughters about maybe? Shoot, do I have to start talking to them about boys? maybe not Reagan. I think I mean, there's the handful that like come to immediate to mind.
 
 integrity in all things, right? Does he have integrity? Or, you know, is he willing to lie about something? How does he treat his mom? How does he treat  other people just in general? 
 
 Do his roommates like being roommates with him? Which is, that goes both ways, right? Like if you're, I'd give guys the same, you know, same advice. Like is she always changing roommates? Is he always changing roommates or does he have some people who like living with him long-term? And then the other piece is like for sexual purity, like is he willing to set a boundary and maintain that boundary?
 
 or does he lack control over himself in that area? And so if he can't set that boundary and keep it in the small things early on with you, that's a red flag that that's an area of his life that's not under control. What about alcohol? Do you have any thoughts about how he handles alcohol? So I work in addiction recovery.
 
 I'm the IT director for an addiction recovery program. yeah, unfortunately I'd say I think at one point that 40 % of the men in our church at our at a men's retreat were in recovery of some kind or another so there's there's a lot of  substance abuse and  Yeah, I I would immediately be wary of someone who ever gets drunk I don't think there's any place for that granted. I'm a
 
 I'm a fairly strong Christian and I believe that we should obey the teachings of Christ, not just memorize them. So I have some strong feelings about that.  So I would say you should set your standards high and don't compromise on those things. 
 
 And I would say make sure you set the right standards like it can't just be like, he shares my hobbies, like, and I'm holding to that high standard, like, make sure you are really looking for the things that really determine his relationship with the Lord, because that's going to determine really his relationship with you. So that's, I mean, everything that Dawson just said, what's more along the lines of what's his relationship with
 
 Another thing my mom mentioned, the thing that initially really attracted her to my dad was she could imagine him being a great dad, being a great father. So if you can't imagine him being a great father, that's a red flag. Yeah. Jimi Ray is saying, you want to raise children who grow up to be just like him? Yeah. So important. I'm going to ask,
 
 this question and then we're going to have to wrap it up. But we can popcorn this question to all three of the guys. What is the main thing you looked for in your future wife? have 60 seconds to answer. Let's start with Caleb. Well, I wanted to be known. I wanted someone who would see me and see every part of me and accept those parts because I
 
 felt like I had a hard time making close friends. I had a hard time. And she had to be someone.
 
 who was on my level, which Michelle definitely is in terms of  like, I, this is going to sound arrogant. needed someone who was smart. So, the,  so I, you know, I was looking for someone beautiful who would accept me and who was smart and Michelle's all three.
 
 Dawson? I went around this, well, okay, so shared values is a big one. So family values, you know, really values her relationship with the Lord more than her relationship with me. But the first thing that attracted me to Anna besides, know, oh, she's really cute, was she was driving a big blue 12 passenger van.
 
 for the social level. It like, what kind of college girl drives a big family rig? And it was like, well, she probably has a family. She's not a spoiled rich girl whose daddy bought her a sports car, right? Like there's a few things it was like, no, that could be. And as I started to ask questions, all those really shared family values were a big one.  So that was like, okay, what am I looking for in a
 
 in a woman. But also a big part of my story was I was surrounded. I was in college ministry. I knew dozens of beautiful women who loved the Lord, who were involved. you know, they they take lots of those boxes and I was interested in several of them. But the
 
 I had a conversation with the Lord on the way back from a mission trip and going on a mission trip with other young single people is like, look at that. We're praying together. Like they're amazing. So I was talking to the Lord about this girl, Karen, who is amazing.  I was like, Lord, what about her? And I felt like the Lord asked me some questions that really changed my perspective. One was, do you believe that I've made a woman for you or you just have to like try your best and
 
 you know, get lucky or not lucky. And I thought, no, God is sovereign. He's created the first for me. Well, then are you ever going to meet her? Well, yeah. Do you think she'll like you for who you are? Are you going to have to trick her into falling in love with you? Okay. And I felt like I came out of that conversation with the Lord with a lack of freedom. He was like, don't try to make something happen on your own. You need to wait for me. And that was a big one. And so,
 
 I think the really the life verse around that was seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you including a spouse and so we're just looking at Genesis right now we're going through Genesis and Jacob was a schemer right he's always scheming trying to get his own thing but really when he changes when God changed his name right and he was ruled by God Israel
 
 That was a big shift. And instead of scheming, God just gave him the things he needed.
 
 Mic drop. That's my soapbox. Jason, what was the main thing that you were looking for in your future life? So for me, like in my first relationship, my girlfriend was very similar to me. So, you know, very reserved. And, you know, at that point I was like, oh, hey, like she's like me. She understands that part of me. Therefore this works. But one thing I didn't
 
 really realized until after that relationship ended was having two people so far in the kind of reserved and subdued kind of on that side of the spectrum was not a healthy relationship for us. And so coming out of that, I was like, OK, I don't need somebody who's the exact opposite of me, but I do need somebody who is on at least on the other side of that spectrum.
 
 Who is you more outgoing and you know, I don't you know expect Rachel to you know, ask all the questions in our relationship I don't expect her to You know be the only one putting in effort. I need to put in the effort and you know get to know her and pursue her as well But I was like, okay. I need somebody who is more outgoing  And so, know most of the time, you know when we you know meet friends at church or you know, whatever it's because you know, she is She is basically
 
 you know, as far as you can get on the opposite side of the spectrum. She, you know, she's the one that you always hear in church. And so, you know, I meet, you know, most of our friends, you know, through her. And so, so that was one thing. So was the main thing I was looking for is somebody who is not like me and, but somebody that, you know, complimented me. You know, we were both, you know, very strong individuals in our, you know, in our certain areas. But we definitely,
 
 we have, you know, spots in our life where we do have shortcomings and places that we just are not confident, but we are able to compliment each other. So in spots where she's less confident, I take up some of the slack and also I can encourage her in that and be like, no, you are actually good at this. just, you know, you don't think you are. And then she can do the same for me. And so, you we are very different in many, many ways, but
 
 you know, our relationship has grown, we've been together longer. You know, I've been able to see that, you know, this is, you know, God did design us that way. You know, there were times when we were dating where I was like, you know, I was talking to God, was like, God, are you sure? Like, this seems crazy. Like, I don't see how, you know, you know, works and plays out, but, you know, he just gave me a very, you know, a deep sense of peace and was like, no, this is, you know, what I have for you. And, you know, as we kind of, you know, grew,
 
  You know, like Dawson was saying, we did have these shared values. And then we could kind of see, you're good in this area, I'm good over here. And together we do make a very good team. So  yeah, just somebody that can  be your teammate  is the main thing that I was looking for.
 
 I think Michelle has some material about complementary. I mean, when she has you gals do your your personality analysis, she has some material about like, complementary personalities. Yeah, I'm gonna say that like, every time we these ask a guy calls, like, it seems to me that when you get married, like your wife, or who you get married to is the exact person for you.
 
 And it's going to be that they are what you always wanted and maybe never even knew to ask for. So that's something like I hear a lot, you know, and when I when when guys answer this question. So thank you guys so much. I'm just going to have Caleb, if you can just pray for the ladies and close this out. Sure. I'll bow our heads and close our eyes.
 
 Dear Lord,  we want to thank you and praise you for the time that we've had together. We've been able to share some of our experiences with each other, hopefully  build some excitement and  anticipation for the future that you have in store for each of us.  Thank you that
 
 There are other believers out there who share our worldview that can offer perspective on things that we haven't experienced for ourselves yet. So thank you again. And in your name we pray, amen.
 
 All right, Dawson, Caleb, Jason, thank you so much. This was really, really awesome. I hope you guys enjoyed like, bearing your souls in front of us. We really appreciate you guys.
 
 Michelle Joiner (57:07)
 Hey, sis, wasn't that incredible? I love when Caleb and his friends share so honestly. It gives you such a window into how men think about love, pursuits and marriage. And sis, remember, this was just one conversation inside Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The Course. There are seven Ask a Guy sessions waiting for you, plus
 
 my step-by-step proven coaching, material and techniques to help you apply these insights to your own dating life and call in your handsome, godly husband. So go to the link in the show notes, get inside Kingdom Bride Unlocked: The Course and hear the rest of the conversations. Do not wait because every month you delay is another month single.
 
 Let's get you married, Sis.